Dearest Club Members:

Recently there has been discussion in the media about the Old Boys Club. I write this memorandum to reaffirm the rules surrounding your membership so the Club can continue to be a thriving, secretive force dedicated to upholding tradition.

  • For all communications with non-members, you are asked to dispute the Club’s existence. When asked about, or when you hear reference to, the Old Boys Club, casually state, “The Old Boys Club no longer exists. The times have changed”. The presence of women of various ages and younger men in business, government and community circles provides us with corroborative evidence of this important public positioning.
  • Please refrain from telling women they look good in jeans, swatting a woman’s ass with paper, casually sliding your hand downward after a waist embrace, and other such actions. All of these behaviours suggest to outsiders that the Club is alive and well. It is incumbent upon members to ensure our public positioning is maintained.
  • Remember that our real work gets done in backrooms, golf courses, sky suites and other private venues. As such, we ask members to refrain from the following actions:
  1. not showing up for key meetings or events where a woman takes center stage and has a position of power. Your absence may be noted and directly linked to your Club membership;
  2. openly and aggressively questioning the comments and actions of such women. Raising your voice, cutting off their comments, turning your back are all responses that are noticed by the women in question and lead them to suspect the Club’s involvement. There was a time when an assertive response from a Club member resulted in intimidation, but it appears that response rarely occurs today;
  3. staring at their breasts as they speak. While this may distract you from your feelings of discomfort, generally speaking the behaviour is always noted and is further indication of the Club’s existence.
  • Remember that despite our name, not all members are older in age. Some of our newest, up and coming members are younger and are active and keen to learn from an experienced mentor.
  • Equally important to remember is that not all men are members in the Club.  As you know, it takes a special form of discipline to become a member.
  • Club members are asked to continue to work quietly behind the scenes to encourage women to subscribe to our rules, values, preferred style of dress, point of view, manner of speaking and approach to career advancement.
  • Members are asked to continue to isolate and look down upon anyone who openly talks about the Old Boys Club.

In conclusion, we thank you for your continued commitment to the Old Boys Club. Despite various threats to our existence and public media pressure, the Club quietly continues to be a vibrant, contributing part of business and government circles. Thank you for your spirited participation and support.