Learn from Charlie Sheen, Raj Sherman, Lindsay Lohan and others in this quick reference guide on how to tank your credibility and career.
1. Deny, deny, deny. You don’t have a problem. You are not addicted. You are not crazy, unstable or unbalanced. Quite simply, your side of the story has not yet been told. Whatever the other side says, categorically deny and say the opposite. That is true accountability.
2. Act crazy, talk crazier, look like you are on your death bed. Claim there is a conspiracy against you. Or better yet, invent one. Why? You will be a traditional media and social media golden child. It will make you a household name and allow you to skip past all of those boring steps other people hire consultants and strategists for.
3. Their silence is your 15 minutes. All those people plotting against you? Keeping quiet, they are, before their big Normandy attack. Now is the time to strike – talk, tweet, post, get out there, get photographed, get videoed – do whatever it takes to hog the limelight and finally show your side of the story. Take advantage of the fact that everyone is watching and waiting for you to do or say something …. anything.
4. Use props. In the face of allegation, visual props further exemplify your story. People respond to and remember visuals. You will be a guaranteed YouTube sensation. Machetes waved from rooftops work well. Strategically placed and worded fingernail art is also effective. “Evidence-filled” banker boxes make you look smart and make others take notice. Prostitutes. Buzz cuts. Whatever you like, just make it memorable.
5. Play the victim or be the champion for the victim. There is always sympathy for those who have been wronged. You are the product of controlling parents. You are the jilted lover. The studio/caucus/Hollywood machine is against you. You are a modern day hero protecting the rights of the innocent, dead and/or voiceless.
6. Play your cards carefully. On your path to self implosion, remember it can easily go the other way. So many before you have done a great job of imploding, only to rise from the ashes to be cool and credible again. Robert Downey Jr. Britney Spears. Chris Brown. Be careful. Learn from those who have not fared well.
* Failure to follow the above steps may require you to work again, or get a real job.